Jack: dating advice for a guy you used to be obese

Posted: December 17, 2012 in Self improvement
Tags: , ,

This is part of my dating advice clinic

So next up is Jack. Jack is 27 never had a relationship and spent most of his life morbidly obese. He’s unemployed, pretty nerdy and and his last sexual encounter he paid for.

Okay this sounds pretty sad right…. 

Well it’s not a cheery story to start with, but that only half the story.

This guys actually has a pretty damn good foundation to start with. He’s 6’4 and from the the picture I saw of him he’s not bad looking face wise. He’s just got a M.S. in chemistry, which is a proper science and not some stupid arse art degree. He is also losing the weight and putting on muscle pretty fast.

Now I’ve forgotten where I got this from, but bear in mind getting in shape can really give you 2 points on the attractiveness scale. Check this guy out:


(This is some guy I found on a body building forum, I kept them since I found them motivating.) This makes one hell of a difference. Getting jacked can seriously up your attractiveness by 2 points. If Jack get his body fat ratio down to 18% at 6’4 with not a bad looking face, add a bit of dress sense. This is one hell of a foundation.

If on top of this he gets a job and moves out from his parents house, then his is in a much better situation.

Jack’s biggest problem is going to be this:

Lack of confidence stemming from 15 years as morbidly obese and 1 year as normal fat. The lack of confidence positive feedback loop also  drove me to being an introverted nerd. 

Unfortunately even if he becomes super jacked, has a great job, flat and dress sense. It’s going to take time for his internal reality to catch up. He is still going to see himself as nerdy fat kids, he is going in the right direction.

First thing let me address this:

I had to pay for my last sexual encounter(i know embarrassing, it was my only one).

I have absolutely no problem with the idea of paying for sex and you shouldn’t either. Your helping the girl out, your getting hot sex, your also having fun. I urge you Jack to not give crap what anyone thinks about that. If everything is consensual then it fine, good even since it would help desensitizing you to beautiful women, plus give you an unconscious  moral boost. Unless you start beating yourself up about, it’s fine as long everything was consensual.

I wouldn’t recommend you do it again though. These are my reason why:

  • It’s expensive, (relationships are usually slightly cheaper, slightly)
  • You will lose your motivation to improve yourself.
  • Hiring prostitutes, combined with no self improvement does not end well.

The money would be a lot better spent on seeing a psychologist, in the long term this would be a lot better investment. You have self image problem that need to be worked through. Lot of that should be helped by the generally getting your life sorted. The multiple relationship section will require a number of post to get through, but the main thing is not to despair you are in a very lucky position compared to most guys, your problems are all square within your ability to fix and you are already on your path to fixing them.

The main thing is be proud of what you have achieved so far. If you send me a dating profile I’ll go over it. But kudos keep it up.

1 year from now you could be crazy fit, tall good looking, good job, living in a fine city. Then you just need to make sure that your internal image of yourself start to catch up with that.

This was part of the dating advice posts I’m doing. If you would like me to give you some advice. You can read my primary post here. Or just fill out the form here:

  1. Jack says:


    Yeah a bit of a follow up, this is what I look like. I have a shit ton of loose skin.

  2. Rukimimekiku says:

    Thanks for this fantastic post, I am glad I observed this site on yahoo.

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