Reasons not to get married

Posted: May 15, 2012 in Relationships

… and frankly, the entire notion that marriage is the equivalent of female oppression and slavery is belied by the hand-wringing from pundits across the political spectrum clamoring that women want husbands and men aren’t doing their duty and dragging themselves to the altar. If marriage is a form of slavery for WOMEN, why is it women who still desire marriage? And if it’s an institution devised to benefit men, why is it MEN who are avoiding it like the plague? [Owning your shit]

In this day and age the institution of marriage is looking more and more like a mugs game. I thought I would do a quick post outlining a couple of reason to avoid it like the plague.

1.       You will become less attracted to each other

Generally we value what we work to get, a lot of game theory is based around the point of ‘playing hard to get’ so that the other person value you more. Getting married kills this dead, “okay you got me I’m yours forever.…”

2.       Less sex

The longer a relationship the less often a couple will have sex, when first couples get together the initial passion means they are in and out the sack constantly, however as time goes on it become a mundane routine which become less and less regular.

3.       Massive hand over of power to the women

Feminisms has changed marriage massively and made it considerable easier to gain a divorce. After which the women would standardly be given custody of the children, along with half your money and a child support each month.

Often women will be financially motivated to leave you, say you have more money than the women in the marriage however he is not spending it in the manner which she like. Then she has the option of leaving you taking half and also taking an ongoing child support.

4.       After marriage women  tend to put on weight

After marriage women tend to let themselves go. Hey they have caught you why should they bother looking after themselves?

5.       Being a Husband is no longer a respectable role

Being a husband or a father is no longer a respected role model, now the fathers are stupid chumps that the intelligent respectful wife needs to put up with.

6.       Marriage provides no security

Marriage provide you no security. Financially, emotionally or legally. They are tons of laws that support women in every way women can beat you up with impunity, and you can even get sued you for not sleeping with them. Even now they are putting forward law that mane using Logic against women can be a classed as abuse. These examples are the extreme but thanks to the Gender Empathy Gap, men and women both naturally are inclined to side with women and in law this has manifested itself in some terrible ways.

7.       Women no longer required to look after the home

In the past gender roles were more defined, men were expected to be the bread winner and women were expected to look after the home and children. Now the expectation for women to look after the home is gone, it is sexist to expect this of a woman, however a women attraction to a man is based on his competence and ability to provide (even late 30 feminists want a guy who earn as much or more than her in order to be attracted to them). So guys are still expected to be the primary bread winner and women no longer have no obligation to provide housekeeping services in exchange.

  1. This is bad man. What the hell am I going to do? It has been so deeply embeded into me that I should get married. At some point I do also want a long term “solid” relationship, but it really does seem like getting married is going to be counter to the goal of getting married. This makes no sense.

    When people get married they do so in order to make a life long commitment to someone that they care deeply about… but if we take your article as 100% acurate for a moment, that would mean that the wedding is driving in the opposite direction of its intention. You love them so you marry them… marrying them means you are less likely to stay in a loving relatiobship.

    This is totalyt fucked.

    Here is where it gets even more difficult for me. I WANT to believe that marragie is a good thing because of my previous upbringing and teachings. This means that I can feel my mind trying to refute your article as above. I know that it would be beneficial to me if you were wrong. But because I know that I know it would be beneficial to nme if you were wrong, it menas I am aware that I am going to be naturally tending towards refuting what you have said.

    So… the question becomes about finding what is genuinely close to reality… what is the actual truth here?

    All I know right now is that if you are right…. there are going to be some hard times ahead involving me having to rewire not only by thinking paterns on this, but heavy reframing so that I can end in a relationship without getting married.

    • TheAdmin says:

      Personally i’m struggling with a similar thought process in my head. Since I did want children originally, but that seems incompatible with have a good, respected life. The grass eating males of Japan seem to have the right idea. Get a job that pays just enough to survive and enjoy yourself and spend your life playing computer games and having fun short term relationships.

      Other option is to marry abroad where things are more even and move out the country. Also this has the benefit that you can escape the massive tax burden that comes with supporting all the single mothers here in the UK.

  2. I still want kids – of that there is no doubt. Actually I have phrased that incorrectly – I still am going to have kids (whether I want them or not!), it is too much part of my asumed life plan. The logical thing here is to have kids outside of wedlock. The being married works against the benefit of the relatioship between you and your partner, however maybe if we frame hard (and I mean super hard) we can get a “wife” without the being married part? Still have the kids and the commitment etc etc but with theout the getting fat, eating unhealthy, and losing all the pasion in the realationship?

  3. amanmusing says:

    I think #3 and #6 really address the root of the problem. Marriage laws today create an unbelievable imbalance of power between men and women when it comes to options to maintain or end a relationship. That loss and feeling of no power I am confident, contributes to the high stress rate of men, early deaths, and triple the suicide rate of women. The hard part is not losing power of your relationship, but losing any power to control your relationship with your children and it being left up to the trust of an attorney and a person in a black robe that has no interest in you.

    • Okay I took these points and I asked a (married) WOMAN her opinion of this. She has done a few long term relationships and this was her reposnse to the points (I didn’t get through them all…)

      1 – You will become less attracted to each other

      “I Complete agree with this on the point that people stop making as much of an effort to be attractive to the other person… the loss of attraction comes from lack of effort… I think this happens in long term relationships where people move in together as well, it doesn’t take marriage… It is going to happen. [Ed: It happens to a degree, just just the simple action of definitively declaring that are obliged to stay together massively accelerates this. It’s the same reason saying ‘I love you’ or buying a women flowers reduces her attraction.]

      2 – Less sex
      “This happens when you have been together for some time. The marriage it self is not the reason, things just never stay physically passionate in the same way long term… all my long term relationships after a year, you start by cuddling, talking a bit, then sleeping… later on you talk more….. so again this is going to happen anyway. [Ed: Agreed but again it is accelerated as attraction is destroyed]

      3 – Massive hand over of power to the women
      “Not the case. In the USA you get screwed badly, the UK laws are very different… Once kids are involved if the woman stays home then effective “childcare” for the years that she was at home are taken in account etc etc, but in the UK the capital that each party brings to the table is looked at more fairly than the USA…. Mny couples these days the woman earns more than the man… I disagree with this, look at the UK legal facts. [Ed: Not sure of the details, but still the children are 90% case handed to the mother and allow with that money to support her.]

      4 – After marriage women tend to put on weight
      “Yes absolutley… so do the men…. but this occurs in any long term relationship. The act of getting married has no bearing, this just happens anyway. [Ed: Wrong it does have a bearing. Naturally everyone put on weight, our life are too sedentary and food too easy to come across. Anyone who does not offset this will get fat. Therefore getting fat is purely a bi-product of actively not fighting it. After marriage women actively give up looking after themselves, this is not so common in men they cease to look after themselves when they are divorced and this is a because they have lost respect for themselves.]

      5 – Being a Husband is no longer a respectable role
      “Yes, and of everything so far this is the strongest point…. nearly everything else will happen anyway once you have been with someone for long enough, certainly when they move in and you lead a marriage style liffesyle…”

  4. summer20105707 says:

    I for one am getting sick of seeing men lok like idiots on television.

    • Rampant Man says:

      I hear you on that front – I really do! I had a huge rant at a friend of mine that really likes the TV series “Bones” about what bad rôle modelling all this is for guys. It teaches us all the wrong things.

      What’s your worst TV show with an idiot looking guy in itt?

  5. PC says:

    I think the problem is you are seeing marriage as purely a business transaction. If thats how you want it then your points are valid…be careful though, you need to be really rich and successful to sustain that trophy wife further down the line.

    As opposed to true love and partnership who truly care for one another and are not just out to see who can rip the other off most, or who ‘benefits’ most. People nowadays are very selfish and seem to look at everything through this lens of ‘what can I get out of it’.

    P.S that link you posted from, while mentioning that women get fatter after marriage, further down it does say:

    Zhenchao Qian, professor of sociology at the university, said: ‘Married women often have a larger role around the house than men do, and they may have less time to exercise and stay fit than similar unmarried women.

    ‘On the other hand, studies show that married men get a health benefit from marriage, and they lose that benefit once they get divorced, which may lead to their weight gain.’

    All in all, men are free to go to work and pursue careers while the wife stays home, cooks meals and looks after the kids… sounds like a deal to me.

    Men are threatened now that women actually just want to be MORE than just the maid who has your kids. While demonising men is wrong too (like the stupid chump stereotype) or laws that are one sided is bit like reverse discrimination, a bit more understanding from both sides is necessary.

    • As far as I see it the problem is men are not looking at it enough like a business transaction. Women are. Women are much more aware of a man value, caring far more about his success ability to gain money and so on. They trade sexual access for obedience and all marriage, engagement and emotional blackmailing of men are all ways of getting commitment out of them.

      Men are much more likely to get obsessed by a women regardless of her social standing, her intelligence, her ethnic background, the opinion of friends. Men will kill, die and spend fortunes in order to win a women who he has fallen for.

      The reason women talk so much about ‘true love’ and so on is because it is a tool that can be used to ensure his future provision and men crave that stuff.

      The use of the business transaction is just showing the reality of the situation. To prevent men getting screwed over when the mist clears.

    • Rampant Man says:

      Okay I hear what you are saying PC. This IS looking at marraige like a business transaction 100%. That is what is happenning here. The thing is that no matter how good the intention is, if the structure of what ever you are living in insentivises you to say leave the person you are with, how ever much you like that person, there will be points where you are in disagreement, and at that time rather than working through it if there is good insentive to leave then you are more likely to leave.

      I personally want an indipendant woman. I like the idea of a woman that is sucsessful, smart, inteligent with her own career and a life that is much more than the simple provision of ovaries to bear my children. My concern now has become simply that getting married to a woman is going to make her **less** likely to want to stay with me.

      When I am with a woman (which I really hope one day to meet) that I really want to Marry because I want a life partnership – is getting married to her going to have the opposite effect by producing an envirnment where she is more likely to leave me?

      I’d be interested to hear your thoughts PC…

  6. thebody@ says:

    No primate that lives in a group is monogamous.
    Chimpanzees have a power-based society that lacks monogamy, gorillaz have harems

  7. Tim says:

    My ex wife became more and more of a pain in the butt, after 24 years…I told her to get lost. I have dated a few women but they seem to be so self absorbed and materialistic so I keep my money for myself. Maybe someday I’ll meet up with a great gal but I am not going to lose any sleep anymore; life is too short to worry.

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