Chasing inner demons with Kieron from A42

Posted: September 13, 2011 in Journal

Okay today I had a session with Kieron from Alchemy 42, it was quiet enlightening. So to summaries, my main problem with pick up at the moment is AA (approach anxiety), this means that I find it hard to actually approach women, I’m actually pretty good at game, once I’ve opened, it gets even worse if the girl is hot and this is problem. I want to go out with super hot girls, to state the obvious.

So the question is why do I have such fear, we started to go into details about this and this was the conclusion.

I went to rough school, a school that was surrounded by 3 single sex schools (2 girls, 1 boys). This means that the school I went to 80% male and had the dumbest roughest kids from the area. It sort of reminded me of prison break (but with slightly less women):

 

Now I was far from the top of the social hierarchy. I wasn’t sporty and I was a big nerd, combine this with having un-diagnosis dyslexia I really didn’t have any social group identity to take refuge in.  Then their was the fact that women were in such short supply because they had been absorbed by the surrounding 2 girls school, women were worshiped and men fiercely sort them.

It came down to the point that I learnt to keep my head down and to avoid contact with the women in order to avoid getting beaten by the men. This is a frame of mind which still affects me in a massive way. When approaching women I still feel in the back of my head that I’m going to be judged harshly and that people will look at me in a bad way and maybe even beat me or socially exclude me.

So what to do?

Accept the fear is completely appropriate

At the moment i’m beating self up and calling myself a coward in my head because I should be able to approach, what this is doing for me is creating a downward spiral, i’m scared then, I have a go at myself for being a coward, this makes me more scared so on. So the first thing to do is feel the pain and fear and know that it’s appropriate response. If I was living in the middle ages where having talked to the wrong women would have got me in trouble I would be probable hurt or killed, then i would have learnt to have this reaction. I need to forgiven myself for having this feeling.

I’ve learnt to think of it like the feeling I got when playing silent hill for the first time and having the feeling that pyramid head stalking me down the corridor.

So my first step, is to treat this as what it is and forgiven myself for being scared.

Start trying to get more inwardly validating

Most of this comes from the place that I’m looking to other people for validation, for them to determine my worth. This is always a rocky place to be you, you can’t really rely on them to give you good feedback. I’m going to do this, but reviewing myself and by giving my self points on my Epic Win App for amusing King Ed and for impressing King Ed, hopefully this will help me start trying to impress myself rather than please others.

 

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